Drip drop

Rain drops! Cleansing rain pours over my country-Kentucky!
I'm home and suddenly apart of a new routine that involves new challenges-spiritual battles.
Be at rest oh my soul for the Lord has been good to you-clings to my mind-the psalm calms me when the chaos of old surroundings and temptations come floating back.
May I just be in Christ. May he manifest himself through me while I'm here doing His will.
The battle within the secular university classroom is my mission now-the battle against darkness. The ministry of loving instead of condemning, gentleness in the place of rude insistence.

Closer to Home

It's late and I can't sleep-my last week in ACA and it floats back to me in phases. I remember significant moments in this room-high ceiling-rafters-squeaky bed frame. Moments in the stifling classroom, smiling faces, tears, bay breezes, sweaty muggy evenings searching scriptures-so frustrated and alone-dimples-stinky street smells- Traveling always creates a strange feeling inside me. Displacing myself for a period of time-finding a new space-new home all of a sudden happens and then it effects me in that eventually I realize that it's home-it's familiar and I'm not sure what magically made it so-its exciting because what's distinctly different turns into normal. New places, situations fascinate me and creates my deeply rooted fervor for adventure-exploration into a novelty land-difficult challenges that softens-changes-causes one to have to adapt and in so doing-learning.

I struggle to describe the thrill of travel-of coming and going. It's bittersweet-a change from the ordinary way-sedentary, cliche life pattern that sets in after a few months. I think it's as addicting as Crystal Light and Mexican coffee-it's hard for me to settle down-I'm about to return to Kentucky and yet already planning-planning-God knows.

Each new place I wonder brings me closer to home-out with the old and in with the new that lasts for eternity.

Tomato Patch

Tramping along the verdant grass lane she realized that with each step, she grew closer to the lush overhangs of rich goodness-oval, jagged pallets of greenness. A place to decide. Stocking feet and an ennobled heart allowed her to walk forward. One step took little energy—the obstacle was overcoming a troubled heart. Her prized position lay over the hillside. A blossoming emotion welled up inside her and she almost fainted, she fought deep inside her chest.
Two doors. Two paths. Two winding trails. Raindrops pressing against her temples wet with emotion, hazy. Keys to her heart grasped at a melody that floated along with late night breezes, endearing words orchestrated a sonnet. She was lost and wondering through a forest of Aspen, golden rays breaking through leaflets of ignorance to a fleshed heart plowed by hands of sovereignty.
Light finds darkness and gives life. Aromatic cleanliness of novelty, vibrant buds, roses open their heads to sunshine to take in vanishing glory. Lilies dressed in purple find dignity in their simplistic crown. Gentle strains of music run through the senses to the mind-discern the hearts treasure to find what? Soiled puddles, crisp, invigorating, chilled air, high peaks, and whitened mountains, low meadows, raspberries- nature’s best memories.
Slowly the burden tumbled, but there lay a fortress-the imagination clinging to the wonders of the world-the endless possibilities, doting upon what to create, worship. Wispy winds pulled away the veil to ocean waters holding secrets, the endlessness of God. The vastness opens into millions of diamond-coated quandaries-she grasped, never to hold, articulated, never to truly speak, no solidity among endless relativisms.
Life’s coming in and out, one life to lead and use for good, one heart beating rapidly-sinking into a deep well of inward emotion, about to collapse.
Amarillo daffodils brought smiles and relief. At the end of the day it was all an abstraction, figment of her mind, constant dwelling upon the unfathomable. Instead, the quiet serenity of tealeaves, glistening eyes, familiarity, beholding the God distant from meaningless ramblings of the mind. All brought an end to wonderings. One path. One door. One trail lined with purple lilies.

In the Secret of your Presence, there I am Restored

Oswald Chambers reminded me, with words that always sink deep, that we must create habits, press onward beyond our fleshly temptations and start where we are living our lives in obedience to Christ, creating a life that is pleasing to the Lord. I can still fall back into the old routine of distracting myself with things of this world when I am down and out, bored, or (currently) sick. When Paul spoke of maturing, taking that which we have attained and going forth walking the walk, it wasn't a suck up and just try harder speech, but see all that the Lord has worked in you and take courage in this, go and do greater things through the strength of Christ, rise above the empty distractions of this world.

Yes, I've finally reached the point here where I am sick-I'm losing my stomach, thus tired and drinking a lot of water. Meanwhile, I've borrowed a couple of books to read! John Piper's, Desiring God and E. Elliot's, Through the Gates of Splendor. I'm basking in Elliot's story of her husband Jim and the other guys, abandoned fools for Christ's sake, ignitable unto the Lord by the flame of Christ's victory over our fallenness-a bunch of missionaries that were convinced that their entire lives were worth it for the sake of the cross, sharing this truth with the Auca Indians. So many know their story-praise God there are many other similar stories. I'm amazed. I'm interested. I'm brought to tears when I read the individual stories of how these men were led to Ecuador-taken from their talented, academic worlds and used by God to die for Christ's sake. Wow. God really means it when He says to take up the cross and follow after Him, leaving all behind. The more Christ reveals the power of this to me in my own life, the more I see it as inviting-I give my entirety for Christ's sake-I want to leave the silly notions I cling to-dreams-selfish wants-hopes for only Christ's work here on earth! I pray that I will continually abandon all and be ignitable.

Jim Elliot's storing is inspiring and widely quoted by Christians because its such a clear picture of the purpose of the Spirit here on earth-to bring all to HIm-to build His kingdom. Man's inventions-statuses-the many blessings we are given in life by God are still to be considered lost for the sake of Christ's will-glory. Why did Elizabeth marry Jim a few years before his death? Why did she have to endure the pain? What was God thinking, all those newly married couples with little ones left-widows. Not quite my dream situation-not so romantic-and yet Elizabeth has penned the testimony of Jim and others-the Lord used his murder to draw her nearer to Christ and be used to continue the ministry among the killer Indians. This reflects the theme of God on the cross for us. I long to consider my life not as a sacrifice for the Lord, but not even as my own to give-already abandoned to Him.

I want to close by saying that I have looked over my older blogs and seen a tone or attitude that displeases me-it amazes me how God daily changes our hearts-draws us to Him so that we look at what were were a few days ago and see the marks of His work. Ok, I'm itching to close with the widely popular Jim Elliot quote-so biblical-we need to remind ourselves the truth behind it everyday.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose" -J Elliot.

Oh, the places you'll go

I reckon it's about time I write again-it has been about a month.
I've got a sugar rush in my head after downing 200 Jelly Beans that I received in a package from home along with some fresh new tea leaves and books...:) Nothing like a rush in the head to help writer's block-or not.

Dr. Suess really meant it when he speaks about life in "Oh, the places you'll go"-deeply profound children's book. You will go to high places and then end up in slumps-currently I'm in a high place, soaking in God's blessings-even amid the faultiness of my life (like covering an entire dry/erase board with the wrong marker...my 6th graders laughing and saying "duh! stupid gringa".)-humble pie is progressively getting tastier, the more I nibble on it. I've enjoyed being back on a schedule-Spring Break was so random and I went on two exhausting trips to rural villages where the temperatures were above 100 degrees and the dust coated my skin giving me an impressive dirt, Chaco tan.

The Caui trip was four days. Lots of kiddos and no sleep. I saw little of the bathroom because there was not always water and due to the truly,truly authentic MX food we were eating-things were a little stopped up. Raw meat carried in buckets to our kitchen/dinning room was a new sight for me. As I sat eating (ALL, no waste) of my soggy tortillas in meat on a bone soaked in a greasy salsa with flies all about I turned to see a little butt-naked child getting cleaned, in the open for everyone to see. Glimpses into what is so ordinary in Caui, was new for me. Caui has a lot of African people mixed in with the Mexican heritage-the people there are beautiful.


At Casa Hogar I'm able to laugh a lot more with the older girls and find ways to mingle with them, whether braiding their hair constantly or just being silly, silly,silly. Big weekend plans: I get to go to a 3rd graders birthday party! :) In Mexico they have Dia de Ninos which is an entire weekend/season that celebrates children-yeah, really. For Easter we had a beautiful sunrise service on the coast!

My brain is currently: exhausted. I am fighting tiredness these days, but surviving with lots of tea and coffee. Spiritually, I am attempting stay daily in tune with God-resting in His strength-the strength of joy in any circumstance! However, I have been having fearful dreams at night-and am praying to be rid of them. There was some drug violence/shoot out on the main road not long after the kids and I passed along last week-5 people killed.

I'm getting so incredibly lazy about writing and so I believe this is about all I have to say! I'm currently writing a newsletter/prayer letter to send out. If you are not receiving those emails and would like to, just let me know.

I've been accepted into UK Graduate School, but am currently praying about whether that is really where I'm supposed to end up. My heart and mind is so often elsewhere-I want to continue to serve overseas-working with orphans. I read an article in my new favorite magazine-WORLD-about the number of orphans in Haitit that has doubled and will probably never be adopted-increasing possibilities of more child trafficking. This news tugs at my heart and I don't just want to dream of ways to eventually help them, but like Nehemiah-just do it. But, I am waiting on God.

Thank you for your prayers! I will try to write sooner with more news because I leave ACA June 7th!

I love the smell of Chocolate cake baking

Blessed? I’ve received more than enough blessings from my Lord in the past few weeks. Unmistakable joy in the hope of my Lord amid the painful moments that my soul has endured-here’s an attempted to give a more mental image of what I’m saying:
The devil, my sin, flesh is still tempted by that which I can’t see-the evil forces in our world-I succumbed to thoughts and constant dwellings upon my ungodliness, the weaknesses, imperfections that lie open, ugly to all who do not have the forgiving eye of Jesus Christ. About a week ago, such realizations were made known to me verbally by a fellow Christian-causing me to rack my brain-focus on my egotistical habits-I could see where indeed I’d fallen short-daily. The knowledge of my deep issues pierced my heart unlike anything else I’ve experienced here in MX. There will always be opposition in ministry and I was facing it (still do). For a couple days I slacked, nearly cried in front of my 4th graders, and wanted to quit everything, get away-far away from the burden of guilt, knowing I wasn’t doing good enough-and even worse, someone else had noticed-truly a nightmare for me.
I was so weighed down and tired. Darkness before the light of day-redeeming hope of grace and love-where was it? I was in a pit. I was praying. Others were praying. God is always working. A few days and I awoke from sleep and felt at ease, the great burden was gone and I saw afresh all the good that can be done through my life and the importance of getting back up, throwing away my torn down pride-clinging to Jesus and the beckoning truth that is essential for me-go and fulfill God’s purpose here on earth-let go-let God lead me. The renewed hope didn’t just bring happiness, but zeal from the Holy Spirit that works to overcome all obstacles. Once my eyes were directed to God’s forgiveness, I was able to look farther, move as if on eagles wings-bless those about me-arise above people, their words, and feelings for me.
This was such a blessing from above! Part of my mind thought, wow-if it get’s this hard; I must be on the downhill slope now during my time here. Of course I was wrong. As I sit here and type-the emotions flow within my chest, dizzying my mind. I want to cry-to go beyond the difficulty of the Christian walk, which is necessary for me to have faith in God. Only God. There are times when I am here and confused about why I am so lonely, missing home, longing to leave and go somewhere where I feel loved-where people know me and I can just rest, feel safe with them and not be alone. God chooses to take that which I am regularly blessed with away, so that I will face the actuality of faith in God alone, not in His blessings. Loneliness? I have many orphans around me to keep me company-I must arise above such thoughts. God gives me this ability, but I am always on my knees first.
Faith in God alone has meant being torn away from the affections of others-when you reach a place where you know that it is just you and God. Yes, the church, yes Christian fellowship, yes living in the world but not of it-but only always you and God. The relationship-my faith, hope, trust, love, worship only for Him. To get there, He pulls all the others away. Ha-and especially for me, a people-pleasing romantic, longing to be liked by everyone, enjoying being among people all the time, leaning, resting on others-it’s a perfect target. God has called me here to ACA, a place where I’m facing separation from the above idols, the Holy Spirit leading the way.
This is not an update on my doings, only soul-the abstract-which I find to be much of what the Christian walk is. Christianity just isn’t practical or reasonable.
I’m on my two-week spring break, which is filled with helping out the American missions team serving/staying at Casa Hogar (construction, Bible studies, singing etc.) and preparing for a mission trip to a rural village next week with Maranatha church. Also, this is Easter week-a time of remembrance-and so there are a few services to attend at church. I’m able to sleep in some more and rest-my body is exhausted ☺
Right now I am watching Beauty and Beast with the girls…we just made cake! Yum-if I ever need a “ministry opportunity” with the girls…we just make brownies or cake. ☺ Will write soon concerning my trips to rural villages.

Sunshine on my Shoulders makes Me Happy

I've made it to a Starbucks-where the police monitor the doors with guns.
It's been a long day at school. Yesterday I started my new head teaching job-ESL to 4, 5, and 6th. Once again I'm forced to completely let go and rely on God to sustain me amid this new job. I've taken over for an older American teacher who was fluent in Spanish and had been teaching at the school for 10 years. I'm not sure if I can fill her shoes-this is my first teaching job and I don't even fully know the language of the students I'm teaching! Working with the little ones was different...

Monday-Mandy and I took the bus to Mega (kind of like Target but not nearly as nice) and I bought a couple light blue shirts so that I could match the other teachers-be "professional". I'd much rather wear a tank top, chacos, and shorts-but I guess I have to look the part, so much for comfort :)

I'm sipping on a Mocha Latte-AH! The wonder of coffee-expresso-chocolate. I had an excuse to head to Starbucks (pronounced "starbooks" in Spanish) after school today. I need full wireless connection for a Skype interview for grad school. So I get to sit in AC and drink coffee to extract the remaining bits of energy left in me. Last night I only slept about three hour. It's getting hotter here (yes, I know for Ky this is great-primavera is coming!) but for MX it is almost unbearable. No AC. AH! :) But I'm not as close to the equator as some folks. I'd like to shoot all the street dogs here. Yes, shoot them. Relieve them of their agony and hunger and diseases and...I might get more sleep at night. The poor dogs bark all night.

Some Gator fans came my way this past weekend-visited Casa Hogar. It was so much fun! We went to see the divers on the Pacific coast and ate at the Pink Flamingo Hotel-highlight of the 40's apparently. There was a Hollywood Hall of Fame where John Wayne and others had vacationed back in the day. I put some photos up on FB of the view- spectacular!

Some of the girls are getting lice at Casa Hogar from school-I am crossing my fingers I don't get lice! And I'm rinsing my hair with white vinegar twice a week. Apparently it makes your hair shinier too :)

So, I love teaching.
Even when I'm lacking sleep, impatient, some of the students don't have their own books, and I'm unable to translate sentences into perfect Spanish, I am thankful to have this position. I just act a lot and draw pictures. :) I'm trying to figure out how to teach outdoor adventure sports (that is the theme of our entire 6th grade unit for this month!) to kids that have never been horseback riding, rock climbing, white water rafting, on a hot air balloon, or on a plane-it's difficult. I am constantly frustrated with the textbooks so I make up my own lessons...if only I could take those 6th graders on a field trip to the Red River Gorge to rock climb and show them what outdoor adventures are really like... :)

Well, I should prepare for this interview. Audios mi amigas!