I love the smell of Chocolate cake baking

Blessed? I’ve received more than enough blessings from my Lord in the past few weeks. Unmistakable joy in the hope of my Lord amid the painful moments that my soul has endured-here’s an attempted to give a more mental image of what I’m saying:
The devil, my sin, flesh is still tempted by that which I can’t see-the evil forces in our world-I succumbed to thoughts and constant dwellings upon my ungodliness, the weaknesses, imperfections that lie open, ugly to all who do not have the forgiving eye of Jesus Christ. About a week ago, such realizations were made known to me verbally by a fellow Christian-causing me to rack my brain-focus on my egotistical habits-I could see where indeed I’d fallen short-daily. The knowledge of my deep issues pierced my heart unlike anything else I’ve experienced here in MX. There will always be opposition in ministry and I was facing it (still do). For a couple days I slacked, nearly cried in front of my 4th graders, and wanted to quit everything, get away-far away from the burden of guilt, knowing I wasn’t doing good enough-and even worse, someone else had noticed-truly a nightmare for me.
I was so weighed down and tired. Darkness before the light of day-redeeming hope of grace and love-where was it? I was in a pit. I was praying. Others were praying. God is always working. A few days and I awoke from sleep and felt at ease, the great burden was gone and I saw afresh all the good that can be done through my life and the importance of getting back up, throwing away my torn down pride-clinging to Jesus and the beckoning truth that is essential for me-go and fulfill God’s purpose here on earth-let go-let God lead me. The renewed hope didn’t just bring happiness, but zeal from the Holy Spirit that works to overcome all obstacles. Once my eyes were directed to God’s forgiveness, I was able to look farther, move as if on eagles wings-bless those about me-arise above people, their words, and feelings for me.
This was such a blessing from above! Part of my mind thought, wow-if it get’s this hard; I must be on the downhill slope now during my time here. Of course I was wrong. As I sit here and type-the emotions flow within my chest, dizzying my mind. I want to cry-to go beyond the difficulty of the Christian walk, which is necessary for me to have faith in God. Only God. There are times when I am here and confused about why I am so lonely, missing home, longing to leave and go somewhere where I feel loved-where people know me and I can just rest, feel safe with them and not be alone. God chooses to take that which I am regularly blessed with away, so that I will face the actuality of faith in God alone, not in His blessings. Loneliness? I have many orphans around me to keep me company-I must arise above such thoughts. God gives me this ability, but I am always on my knees first.
Faith in God alone has meant being torn away from the affections of others-when you reach a place where you know that it is just you and God. Yes, the church, yes Christian fellowship, yes living in the world but not of it-but only always you and God. The relationship-my faith, hope, trust, love, worship only for Him. To get there, He pulls all the others away. Ha-and especially for me, a people-pleasing romantic, longing to be liked by everyone, enjoying being among people all the time, leaning, resting on others-it’s a perfect target. God has called me here to ACA, a place where I’m facing separation from the above idols, the Holy Spirit leading the way.
This is not an update on my doings, only soul-the abstract-which I find to be much of what the Christian walk is. Christianity just isn’t practical or reasonable.
I’m on my two-week spring break, which is filled with helping out the American missions team serving/staying at Casa Hogar (construction, Bible studies, singing etc.) and preparing for a mission trip to a rural village next week with Maranatha church. Also, this is Easter week-a time of remembrance-and so there are a few services to attend at church. I’m able to sleep in some more and rest-my body is exhausted ☺
Right now I am watching Beauty and Beast with the girls…we just made cake! Yum-if I ever need a “ministry opportunity” with the girls…we just make brownies or cake. ☺ Will write soon concerning my trips to rural villages.