As I sit, after the heat and sweat of the day-it is an exceptionally breezy night-I like to imagine like a crazy romantic, that there are far away spices and unknown things carried across the Pacific through the Acapulco bay breeze-haha! I'm on the west coast, but tucked away on the coast of the bay-I've yet to see the real beach where I hear the waves are far too crazily dashing and grand to swim in.
My favorite evenings are the ones when a neighbor (we are packed in tight!) is playing music-always soothing melodies that almost sound Italian...but then there is, slow, mellow Spanish singing mixed in with dogs barking, the leaves, laughing, rustling in the wind, cars, distant yells-I guess growing up in Lexington has not allowed me much exposure to the city-big scity-more than 2 million.
I've been learning to embrace the culture-embracing that which God has called me to do here and that which He is to do to me!
I just finished Fyodor Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment-favorite quote: The protagonist Raskolnikov: "In misery he asked himself this question, and could not understand that at the very time he had been standing looking into the river, he had perhaps been dimly conscious of the fundamental falsity in himself and his convictions. He didn't understand that that consciousness might be the promise of a future crisis, of a new view of life and of his future resurrection." This comes in the Epilogue when Raskolnikov is in prison for his crime- murder-although gloomy, this story paints a picture of redemption in the life of a murderer-that which resurrection which he does not choose but that which God chooses to work within Him. There are many moments he almost committed suicide amid the agony of the guilt that become his own punishment, mentally and physically. But, God has led him to redemption, that he compares to the story of Lazeras coming back from the dead. It causes me to think of my own sinful state and how, although I have a free will, God has chosen to work within me and redeem me, do great things that I would never have chosen if His Spirit did not groan within me-
Anyway, my rant on the Russian classic is more like my nostalgia for English college classes-analysis-I do miss them-nothing but the Literature and Philosophy classes:)
All this to say, I am not in college but in MEXICO!
Monday of this week I was unhappy and struggling all day. Tuesday, God started to give me joy-thanksgiving for random things-like the dimpled smiles of my adorable students. The hugs (more than 20 a day for sure) from these precious little persons. I've always been a long waisted gal-haha, and I'm the perfect height for most of my kindergarten, 1,2 graders-they cling to my waist and I love it! I have taken many pictures and am attempting to put them up-no luck so far.
I could write an entire blog on the school system here and how refreshing it is from the states....the children have plenty of recess time to rid themselves of energy-we do not let the children do as they please, but allow them to be kids. We have quiet a few little artist who like to draw while I'm teaching-instead of yelling at these artists, Mandy and I try to make sure that they are at least following us in the textbook-I've yet to here or see any crazy yelling from the teachers-thank God!
My favorite part of teaching is reading the children story books-I bask in the quietness of it-they all seem to magicly hush up and become absorbed in "Harry the dog didn't want to take a bath" sort of stories ;) ha. I love it. I love the way the children from Casa Hogar want to be touched, held,-there are so many to love and none of them have parents to regularly give them that attention.
My fellow teachers are such a blessing! We have been able to hang out on the weekends-but they dont speak English (very little) and so I am forced to speak more Spanish!
Alberto-a crazy-curly headed-little preschooler had quite the time today looking me in the face and saying in Spanish-blow, blow,blow! I was chewing gum and he was incredibly fascinated by popping my Bubble gum-ha! Like I said-pictures to come and you will see the irresistibleness of these precious children! God's little ones.
Yum-the breeze is delicious. Tonight I had a great talk with my gift from God, Loovle! Oh how I love her! :) We drank tea and it was so nice to have a deep, long conversation about how God is working. Loovle-if you are reading this-know that I am encouraged by you and your love for the children at Casa Hogar!
One of my favorite verses is from Jeremiah 17:7-11-I've been meditating on it a lot this week-it speaks of how God can only know our hearts! Think-of all the heartache-confusion-wishful thinking of "if only someone understood"-felt the way you felt-the heart is deceptive-yes-because it is so complex!-Praise God that he can search it and know it completely-He knows my heart and the depths of my feelings/emotions!
Also, God has been using Oswald Chamber's words in "My Utmost for His Highest" -great devotional book-ancient-but Biblical.
One of them has remained fresh on my heart and mind this week-I'll quote it below in hopes that it challenges you as it did me-and encourages!:)
ARE YOU READY TO BE OFFERED?
"I'm already being poured out as a drink offering..." 2 Timothy 4:6
I'm ready to be offered. It is a transaction of will, not of sentiment. Tell God you are ready to be offered; then let the consequences be what they may, there is no strand of complaint now, no matter what God chooses. God puts you through the crisis in private, no one person can help another. Externally the life may be the same; the difference is in will. Go through the crisis in will, then when it comes externally there will be no though of the cost. If you do no transact in will with God along this line, you will end in awakening sympathy for yourself.
"Bind the sacrifice with cords, even unto the horns of the later." The alter means fire-burning and purification and insulation for one purpose only, the destruction of every affinity that God has not started and of every attachment that is not an attachment in God. You do not destroy it, God does; you bind the sacrifice to the horns of the alter; and see that you do not give way to self-pity when the fire begins. After this way of fire, there is nothing that oppresses or depresses. When the crisis arises, you realize that things cannot touch you as they used to do. What is your way of fire?
Tell God you are ready to be offered, and God will prove Himself to be all you ever dreamed He would be.
Is this not igniting to the soul? I pray that all who read this will go forth and offer yourself up. There is so much in my life I must offer...sacrifice.
Ah, I would like to go on about my time in Acapulco but I am exhausted and should head to bed. It's nice to have a bit of quiet and share these happenings with you.
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